too fast

man this term has only just begun, yet i feel like i already cant keep up.

i feel like i really need to start working hard --but the strange thing is that i have been my whole life. i dont know how to try harder when im trying my best already.

i have a fear of failing. and i think thats what letting me down in everything. i have a music exam, mid-year exams and vce subject selections to worry about...and i dont think i could accept the fact if i failed in any of those things. this piano exam is my last i will ever do. its all i have to do to finish. i know i can pass...its the matter of believing in myself, practicing, learning gk and knowing that i will pass. if i go into the exam already thinking i will fail, then chances are i will fail. but i know i wont. i know i will pass. my goal? is a B. thats all im asking for.

then....my mid-year exams. ive never really responded to the word 'exam' very well. i get so nervous. the fear of fail plays around in my head the whole entire time. im not so worried about my maths exam....its my english and probably my science im more worried about...oh and possibly chinese..and dont forget about vce subject selections. i was told today that we need at least a summative grade of B in ALL subjects....initially i thought that was fine...i could totally get at least a B in all my subjects --until i remembered im not doing so well in english. my last two assessment tasks ive got a C+....clearly that doesnt give me a summative grade of B....and lets face it....if ive been getting C+'s lately, then its not really that probable that i will get any better in the next few weeks to come. and i really need to do a vce subject next year.....if i dont --i dont know how i will last in year 12.....doing 6 bloody subjects..thats way too much to handle. all ive ever known is to do at least one vce subject in year 11...if i cant do that then how will i be able to survive the rest of my school years? its almost like a need. and im getting really scared that i cant even achieve that....but you dont know how much i want to pass my piano exam, my mid-year exams and get a grade of B in all my subjects.