my thoughts; you

late last term i thought i was over you. i was pretty sure, when i didnt go on saturday and didnt feel anything --i thought we were over. and then during the holidays, i didnt think much of you. and the important thing? you werent in my dreams, like you have been a couple of times.
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...to be honest, i think what puts me off you is what ive heard about you. i believe what i hear, but at the same time, i dont think its a problem because im not 'that' person either. and why do i care what people say about you? because they are the people who will see us together, and say those things behind my back. i like to think that deep down, you are not that bad. maybe its a phase, or maybe its just the way you are. i dont care because i am not the person some people think i am either.
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but basically what has been looming over my head today was my dream. you appeared again. i really thought i was over you. and then today, i went and saw you. it was quite obvious that you looked over at me a few times. i mean there were like 5 other people in the room. but what gets me is that i look at you too. is it awkward? i mean, the thing is that when we look at each other, ive realised that there is no other expression. perhaps a smile would be better. but i wont smile before you smile first.
~by saying all this, i know its just me. this is all in my head. but it sometimes seems so real in my head. i often wonder what goes through your head in those 2 hours, when you get home. do i leave an impression in your head? because you certainly do/did. i really dont know what to think at the moment. i mean, i thought i was over you, but i guess life happens --and thats what i cant predict.
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and its so weird, because right now, i want to say whatever and wipe out what ive just written because ive realised that i dont know you. and whatever im thinking about, maybe i just want to get to know you. and thats all? maybe i dont want anything to happen, but first meet...then talk and hang out. i think thatd be better than me going off and thinking all these stupid things which just dont make sense to anyone, that is including me. dont you think that sad?
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so what i want now, is not what ive taken so long to think about, but to be friends. and thats all im asking for right now. is that too much? and i dont want to talk or think about it anymore because its wasting my time to think about the things which are really happening to me and around me. when something happens with us, then thats when i will start thinking about it. how about, ill try, because i cant guarantee anything, but i will try my hardest. when i say that, i mean it. so its up to you now.